Scribbles of the Nautilis

Meh..

2007-06-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

I actually got bored, and umm...yeah..I'll go 'head and write about my theories regarding stuff. Beliefs, too. So, again, this is just stuff that comes from me. : If I can remember where I borrowed from, I'll cite the source from whence it came...or taken...whatever.

1)There is a universe, only because a multiverse exists. That is to say that there are more worlds than anyone can possible imagine and that they all exist at the same time. "Separate, yet simultaneous."
Taken from: Edward Roivas, "Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Reqiuem"
"All at once, separate and simultaneous, for the Universe is made of many timestreams, many possibilites, all in harmonious sychronicity."
My reasoning behind this is, well...after realizing that I can astral travel, and people can walk into my dreams...umm...I kinda have to believe in this.
2) The concept of reincarnation, and not just for people. Ever heard of the saying "There's nothing new under the sun" (or whatever planet you'd like)? Just because an idea never existed on this plane, never meant that
3) Spirits and the "unseen folk" can be just as good and bad as people can be.
4) I see karma as a balancing scale/boomerang. Even too much of a good thing is a bad thing. And it does have a way of coming back.
5) I don't think I can really say something is truely "dead". Take a ghostie, for example. They passed into one existance from another.

Well, that's it for now.

Almost forgot!

2007-06-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

If you can't tell, these are pictures of me and some classmates at prom...yeah..I went to prom against my better thoughts.

I was gone for quite a while...

2007-06-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

When was my last post? In December...and this is, what, June? Yeah, I've been gone for that long. And with good reason. So what's up with me now? Well, a lot of things..and I should be proud some of them.

Senior year:...That didn't go so well for me. I became a monster, I guess you could say. I was bitter, angry, jealous, paranoid....>_> I had a lot of negative emotions to tumble with. And it's funny how one can be so deeply embedded in their feelings before it hurts someone close to them....my family, as hard as I've fought for them to stay together, is broken. I feel as though I had some part in this, too..
You guys know I was in marching band during Senior year, too. The physical work wasn't so bad. I at least got to go outside and become active. But the social aspects...I wasn't very accepted in it. Most because they had already set up their cliques, so I couldn't fit in very well. Just being me set me apart from everyone, too. I did find some friends, but we did drift away from each other. I feel that was a bit on my part, and that comes with regret. I can honestly say I was more personable in that year than any other, but I felt as though it didn't do any good. The reason for such a change was...well, out of a hardened jealousy between me and my house-sister Courtney. Ever since she moved in (Sophomore year), she's always had friends to hang out with and play around. I had none that I could go to due to distance. I did have things to do with people now and again, but it just didn't feel quite right. She was always out, and I stayed in the house to just waste away (not in the physical sense. o.o 230 pounds doesn't do that so easily.).

Family Life: Meanwhile, my family's been fighting with each other. The issue of college has made such a negative effect on us. I never did say I was decided on what to do during then, even through high school. I had my choices, but even they were a lot...I guess I should have asked for help on this. Courtney already had her college to go to. She was going to Florida International University. I said I wanted to go to a community college.....Denise didn't like that too much. I told her why I wanted to go, and all that happy stuff....and she began tearing me down because of it. She said I was going to a place where losers, older people, and cut-ups went (but she never finished high school, let alone went to college). I wouldn't have that "experience", and that I was taking the long way in life. Maybe it was my fault that I let her shake me up so much. She misconstrued a lot of things that I said, too, when she was yelling at me. So I asked around for people when it came to college. They said it was a good idea, because things are at a slower pace, and the learning is just as good if not better than a university. I could transfer my credits as well to any other place within the state. It seemed that it wasn't good enough to her that I had no STDs, no bastard children, I had a clean police record, I wasn't involved in drugs, never went to parties and got drunk and the like. And she said she would "stop bothering me about it". Yeah, right.
The state of my mother and my house-mother's relationship began to deteriorate, too. Denise began to take out her anger on my brother and me. Almost every Friday, when my mother was at work and Denise would drink, she would make long speeches to me and my brother saying that we should be "in the norm" (she said this more to my brother), that my father was a no-good druggie, that I was my mother's child in the worst way, etc..but she had done this before...this drinking and ranting. It never really hurt me to sit down and listen to her. She did say things that did hurt me, but I got over it. Things like "You need to stop taking those pills";"You're such a good actress. You're a sociopath" "You have no common sense, and you know this", so on and so forth. She'd talk about my mother behind her back, my brother, and me as well. There were things that my mother did, too, so in a way, all our problems come from us. One such instance was when I got sick for four days. As I was staying home, my mother gave Denise a black eye. Now, it's not within my mother to be so violent...she'll physically attack if she's "coiled"...she prefers to avoid conflict, but she will do if she's that stressed and she's "cornered". Mother went off to work two hours before, and then Denise was laying in her bed with a black eye. She told me to come in, and look at her black eye. That's when she started talking smack about me and my blood-family. A month later, like...two weeks ago she was having a barbie for Memorial Day. I was feeling a bit depressed that day, so I went to have some "Me" time. I cut the phone off and just stayed in my room, then went down to clean the kitchen that evening. Denise called me from the porch and said my mother was mad at me because I didn't answer the phone; she couldn've had off that weekend if me or my brother had answered it. Courtney was out at the movies with two friends and some cousins that came down for the weekend. Now, I have a phone in my room (two if my cell is included) and Courtney has one in her room...I was blamed because they said I should have made sure mine was working while my parents were out, then they sent me back to do the kitchen. While I had my back turned to them and was cleaning the dishes, they began talking junk and laughing at me and Xzay. I know I'm a sensitive person, and the things they said were pretty minor, but to know that Courtney, Denise, and one of the cousins would say that (even in front of Courtney's friends) really did hurt me. A true family would never do such a thing as far as I know. I began crying as was cleaning the kitchen. To make matters worse, my Aunt Toni called. I have nothing against her; she's always wanting to come and see me and Xzay. She came to see me graduate along with some other family members in Ohio. I got upset enough to reject her when she wanted to talk to me over the phone. I wouldn't accept the phone from Courtney after her teasing and taunting..not even from Xzay who tried to get me to talk to her...but I couldn't. Xzay went as far as to explain the situation to her, but that didn't help. I just went back into my room afterwards. I did apologize to her the day after. I took a walk to a nearby Subway's to eat and read, you know...assess myself. The walk was about an hour, and it felt good to just being by myself. I avoid Denise to a certain extent more than Courtney. I just avoid "talking" to them, really.

Other: I was able to sit down and actually examine some of my beliefs. They didn't fit into the one I was in before, or the plans I had in the future, so with some help, I began seeking out other things. I've been researching paganism since August, and I've learned some interesting things. I have a goal, too. I've been looking into shamanism since I started, but I started turning my attention to Wicca a matter of weeks ago. I don't claim to know much about it, but I'm going to check it out for a bit and see where it fits into my "hopeful" path.
Some of the experiences, as well as my beliefs will come in the next post. I'm thinking about starting this back up again and journaling once every two weeks; more if it's a "lighting bug".

Two and a half more?

2006-12-31T08:17:00.000-08:00

Two new poems, one inspired by the song "Calming Island" (Kevin Kern) , and the other is "Song From A Secret Garden" (David Agnew/John Tate?) respectively. I think that for those who read these, they might find some kind of polar opposite. The third one, isn't a poem, and yet it is, I think...I suppose it's more of a narative on how I view people.

"Appreciation"
Thanks
for all
the things you've done for me,
the seen
and
unseen.
I just
wish that I knew
how to repay you with the kindness you gave me.

Long days have passed me by with that very question.
What
an agonizing task with such a noble dream.
To
show you
that I care. Maybe some flowers will do,
Hmm?

I can't
just pick
a star or a moon
to put in your pocket
so that you have something to
tell you
how much
you mean to me.
So, I will stick around
even after I have found a way.

Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Waiting"

Where did you go?
You know,
I wait'd for you. You just left without
a trace.
That candle that I lit
for you is not there.
The window I left is bare.
You said I'd see you soon,
but you never came.
First I thought I was to blame.

I began to recall our summer days,
how young we were during that tender age.
Did the flower we grew
fade to dust and not bloom?

Well, I'm not sure if you even see that spot
where I paced before I left.
For many moons, I thought
"He will show up soon."
My tarrying was all for naught.

I began to recall our summer days
(and winter months),
how young we were during that tender age.
(Our youth did wane.)
Did the flower we grew
fade to dust and not bloom?

As I head off,
I turn, looking back with tears,
seeing that decaying sight,
I'm somehow remind'd of
the tale of Midas.

------------------------------------------------------

day 1
wether: dark and kloudy

my chest hurts. there's red ink kuming from were it hurts. im sad and lonely. it's going to rain. how did i get here?

day 2
wether: dark and kloudy again
i wen esploring. i found dead bodies and bad smels. lots of it. theyre layin on t grund. ther eys is lookn at me. sum of dier hands is out, almos like dey wan me to tak their hand. ther moufs moov. sum moufs say help you, sum say hurt you. i dun get it.sum also say help me.

day 3
wether: rainening with sum light
it's stil dark, but theres a lil light. sum of these bodies looks relli familyar.

day 4
wether: same
I kno some of these bodies now. they were people i knew. but how did dey di?

day 5
weather: same
The ones dat said 'help me'...i feel guilt. The hurt me ones make me feel unsafe. I feel better with sum of the help you ones. I feel safe.

day 6
weather: rain is gone
one of the help yous is crying. i went over to him. i felt sad. what could have made him cry? he doesn't look like the type to. now, he says "family" and points to me.
another one of the help-yous says family, too. if i knew any better, he would be my brother.

day 7
weather: still dark
I put sumthing over my chest to stop the leaking. the first help-you to call me family smiled. it was odd. i felt disappointment coming from this one, and betrayel, yet it means...i duno, forgiveness? he still points to me and says "family". it makes me cry. he must have really loved this person, and i feel sad but i dun know why. the second help-you said 'crows-nest" and 'play together". wut does that mean?

day 8
weather: still dark
my hed hurts. I'm shocked i'm still here. I keep seeing things in my hed. people coming, they die. sumone stabbed and slashed at them. i'm the only one alife. the one that i would call my brother smiled at me today. he said he misses me. I feel guilt, but where is it coming from...?
the one that still says family, he looks like he could move, like he could go away, but he cant. is he stuck here? is he waiting for someone? that person should be really lucky; he looks like his payshence is about to give way..he can't hold on that much longer, but he doesn't want to leav quite yet. man, that one must be lucky to have him as family. why are they doing this to him?

Day nine
Weather: A little lighter.
sometimes, i wish i had died with these people. its miserable here. I drag Family and Crow's-Nest over to me and curl up between them. They're warm.

Bits and pieces come. Help-mes were waiting for someone to help them, but that person failed them. They say "She was scared, paranoid". What could that mean? Just a stab to the heart.
The Hurt-Yous were the ones this girl knew would hurt her. They're the most decapitated. Just one hand, a head, and lots of blood remain in a group. The other refuse is spread out. She must have hated them, and by the look of things, there was a multitude of them.
The Help-yous were people that this girl cherished, but from the things I got from the visions and the Help-mes, she killed them. They're like the Help-mes with the whole stabbed in the heart thing. Their faces are tear-stained, more or less.
She must have been through a lot of shit that left her emotionally stunted, or something like that.
Crow's-Nest now points to me and says "Knife" or "You did it".. What the hell? I'm pretty sure I would've remembered what I did, but with the black-outs and memory gaps, it's hard to tell. More disturbing visions come to me.
I wonder if there's any food in this jungle that's edible. I'm starting and thirsty. My head hurts more, and the gash in my chest is starting to ooze with pus and blood. It might rot. Oh, well, it hurts to move, and maybe someone will find me. That's the best thing to do if you get lost, isn't it?

Day ten, last day, so it feels..
Weather: It's getting foggy..hazy...peaceful..the sun's coming up
Crow's-Nest pointed to my pocket. I pulled out a knife, and it all came to me so clearly now. My enemies chased me all the way here. I had no where else to go. I killed them with my own bare hands..but it didn't leave me without a nick. That explains the injury. It's funny how it just happens to be right in the center of my heart. They got smarter, though, because I now feel other wounds. I must've fell into some traps...Need I explain who they are?
I was scared after that, and so afraid....like someone else was going to attack me at any moment. I kept moving after a while. There were some other people who needed my help, but I passed them by. I felt like they were going to hurt me if I helped them, so what was the point? Those were the Help-Mes.
The tear-stained ones are the Help-Yous. They were hurt the most, I think..we were fine together, but fear took a hold of me.
...Particulary Crow's-Nest and Family...Crow's-Nest was my younger brother, but he looked out for me a lot. We used to play all kinds of games. When he said he missed me, well...I can't figure that out on my own, and it must be too late...I'm already feeling sleepy.
Family was....he was a lot of things to me. He helped me, he inspired me, he even spoiled me....he was right with me when I needed him for anything, which was comforting, yet frightening. I hadn't expected anyone to do that, but I was expecting things to sour. I thought he was like the others that laid traps for me. I kept waiting and watching, watching and waiting...but he didn't leave me. He did the very opposite. Isn't it funny how life can be such a bitch sometimes? 'Specially when you hurt those you love most because fear clouds your mind, and you can't see anyone or anything...all you can think of is how to protect yourself....
I'm sorry, you guys...you two most of all...now I see them crying...I wonder what they're saying...it's hard to tell...just let me rest, okay? I need to sleep........

Another Poem..

2006-12-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

This is a poem I wrote about Friday rain.

My dear Friday rain,
do please come again.
Wash
away the toils
of my week, and all the stresses that I've
harbor'd. Dance your peaceful dance upon my roof,
while I recoil in
my room,
all curl'd up, all nice and warm.
Do come, please,
and rejuvinate the energy that I lost
while awake.
Trickle against the windows, in that sweet, serene melody
that lulls me to sleep.

My dear Friday rain,
please do come again.
Purify me with your soothing lullaby...

Fictionpress.com doesn't work... T_T

2006-11-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

So, I'll put my recent poems here until I can find a way to get it to work again.

Though I know that I am only human,
and that I am just beginning to wake up,
I can feel your hands on me, rustl'ing me,
telling me to get up.
There's work to do
healing those that do not know how to heal themselves.
What is the point in having these gifts
if they sit on a self
never to be used?
Though I know that I am only human,
until last breath, my work is never done,
healing those that cannot, do not know how to heal themselves.

Blood, sweat, and tears
it's what we had used before
to close the gap between us,
drawing us closer, and e'en more.

Blood, sweat, and tears
that's what held us together
all holding us through
the vibrant and gloomy weather.

But I drifted away, doubting what I, we had.
I fell short of what I was, I lost myself somehow,
and I did so, injuring you.
If I could go back, turn that clock 'round, it wouldn't have happened.
It did, and we have to live through it. It is guilt, however, that I must bear.

That doesn't mean it has to stay that way.

I may not be very headsmart,
or strong,
or very pleasing to the sight.
But, for you,
I will fight, proving that I am
a queen among slaves,
a jewel to be worn on your crown,
a friend to laugh with,
a needle, sharp, to mend your stitches,
a warm steam house to dwell and relax in,
and a towel to dry yourself from sorrow's salty oceans.

Blood, sweat, and tears.
That is how I will work my way,
climbing the canyon,
filling in that great divide that keeps us away from each other.

~Inspired by: "Balance Valley", Dark Cloud 2 (PS2)

My attempt at satire...

2006-11-14T20:29:00.000-08:00

You know, it's amazing that only the true friends will actually hang in there and help you....lately, I've become rather critical of myself. I forget things much more easily. I'm overcome with more depression...I've become more whiny and insecure. I've begun to see who I trust as true friends, and then those who are just either acquaintances, and people to talk to.....I'll tell you guys later..but right now....I have this to show you. I also have pictures of me outside of cosplay. A first, eh? The one you guys see is just one taken in my Senior year (haven't graduated yet)....if you want to see them, you'll have to saunter over to my MySpace (yes, I broke down and got one) if I can't get it to show up here...I'll give more on that later.
Just a rough homework draft, but you're welcome to it. Just don't steal it. I'm not done yet.

The Mirror Policy
Everyone complains that we do not know others well enough. We're astounded by what they do when we think we know them well enough, and it turns out we don't. Perhaps vice versa. From the queen bees who will back-stab their loyal subjects (doing this with a smile, saying it's for the good of the many, mind you), from the heartless cad who may offer their love to one that they have admired from afar and pined for because of a simple act of kindness. With this said, we hurt more than we heal with these. Why do we do this? Do we know we do this? We hide things away in our hearts, our minds, whatever anyone would call a soul. We are products of our own deceptive, oppressive society, we humans. What has our society taught us?
Many, many things, our "beloved" society, and it might revolve around being "happy".
What is happiness? Dictionaries, like dictionary.com states:
Happy-
1.
delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2.
characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3.
favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4.
apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5.
obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days
Happiness-
pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.
Okay, that's what the definition of "happy" and "happiness" is...but how can we get to it? What can make us happy as individuals?
We can be who we want to be, but when we are when we want to be, we cannot be happy because we do not conform to what society would call "being happy". When we pursue other interests that others say are dangerous, we are told we are bad, and we are punished for it. It comes to us in many forms. For example, this would include laughing (or watching and doing nothing) at the one asking questions in class, or when one simply cannot understand directions given to them. Has anyone ever asked that one what they see, what their senses are? No, because they are so happy in their box that they see nothing. Being able to think, to use the brain as a valued commodity. To think. To reason. To read. To learn. Society pushes away those that want to help that can help.Why? Ignorance is bliss, and intellect is We do this because our views are not of theirs, neither theirs ours. There's a canyon between those two people. A gap of darkness (nothingness) and animosity. A veil, my people! A VEIL!........Ansem, a fictional character from the Kingdom Hearts series once said, "Only one who knows nothing can understand nothing."
Perhaps we seek to fill in this gap of nothing?
We can never be pretty, unless we get plastic surgery to exhagerate our natural features, the features we were given from birth that our years have forged (make-up is used to enhance natural appearances, not hamper them). All we see in magazines are smiling faces. Why are they smiling? Is it because they know we will never achieve the level of "beauty" that they have, so we must cover it all up with starvation, lies, and self-mutilation? We see the skinny women who can hardly stand against the wind. They're "happy". They're popping pills, but we don't see this when they take their dazzling photos.
We want for everything and everyone must be the same, same enough so that we are content with the present, and we can never move on to the future. Not enough to rebel, but enough to stagnant and reject the inevitable: time waits for no one, neither does old age. But, no, this.Does.Not.Work.For.Any.Body. There is nothing wrong with indulging the senses. There is something wrong with indulging our senses enough that it becomes a hazard. Don't have a clue? Try poisoning the body enough to harm others. Does things like drunk driving ring a bell?

MetroCon pictures! Yay!

2006-07-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

Here they are! Finally! Sadly, though, the webmaster, Maboroshi, has retired from his photography. ;_; It sucks, because I owe him something. He's helped me to learn how to smile. Thank you, Maboroshi. I won't forget you.

Band Camp Sched...oh, wait!

2006-07-24T06:56:00.002-07:00

If you guys wanna know why I won't be around a lot, this is why:

Monday 24th-Wednsday 26th, 1PM-9PM
Thursday 27th-28, 10AM-9PM
Saturday 29th- 9AM-9PM
Sunday-No Camp
Monday 31st-Tuesday 1st, 3PM-8PM
Wednsday 2nd- School Open House & Performance
Thursday 3rd, First Day of School, Practice immediately after school, 3:30-5:30

Does anyone want to know why the 27th is highlighted in red? C'est ma anniversare! (It's my birthday!) Drawings, treats, virtual plushies and all that are welcome, oui, but so is a simple "Happy Birthday!".......Birthday licks are frowned down upon. XP Yeah, that's right. I'd like drawings! Of what? Umm....:3 My role-play characters. ^.^ By the way, the photos of my friend at I at MetroCon are finally up! The matter is just getting them on the Blogger. ^_^ And guess what? I smiled! XD YUUUUUSSH!!!

Truely the end of summer..(phantom post for now)

2006-07-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I got a lot to say, and I've got the time to do it in now, too. I got to see my relatives in MI during the weeks of June 14-28, and spend some time with GrandPapa. He happens to be a preacher, but he's not like those uppity tight-wads. He's a very relaxed man, and he's friendly to everyone. I've never seen anyone not fight with him, because he has an "inner peace", as I call it. The ol' "Golden Rule", methinks. "Treat those as you want to be treated."?
I also got to get close to my Step-grandmother Jenny. I am the FIRST to do this. Not even Grandfather Warren could do this. "She's just not someone you can get close to," he says, "But, she's not bad. I married her after all." I was wrong....I really was. When I first came there, she yelled at me because I taped up the mushrooms Warren had bought for me at the produce market. I had no idea where the plastic wrap was, so I did the best I could. When she had me go to the hair salon, in the car, she asked me if I knew how to behave in a car. O_o I am nearly 17. I think I'd know how to behave in a car. It was so hot, I slept in the car. I got to visit my Step-grandaunt, Bobbie May. Don't laugh at her name. Treat her right, and she will not only make you comfy, but fill you to the brim. :^3 She got to help me with some issues that I've been having trouble with. It was from her that I learned that Jenny has had rhumatoid arthritis, and it's a trouble for her. It's been like that before I was born. With that in mind, I wanted to make Jenny comfortable, or at least happy. She may not be related to me by blood, but just the same.
I also met with my lil' cousin Kyana (Ki-ah-nah), and her friends, Heather and Kristen. :3 We went to Chuck E' Cheese together. We didn't get our pictures with Chuck. ( :^[), but we did get, like, 500-something tickets. We pooled them, save for Kristen, and we just got the little things. The good stuff was, like, too damn expensive in tickets. Then Chuck came out again, walk'd to near the entrance, and dropped a whole bagload of tickets. I made a mad-dash for them, over the children! I was able to acquire 50-ish of them. When the fray nearly died down, I spotted a kid whose hands were so full, other people were just snatching them out of his hands! So, feeling terrible for him, I took back the tickets others had stolen from him. The lil' ones looked at me, awestruck. When I came back to the lil' tyke who was so fortunate to have crossed my path, I gave him back his tickets. He looked stunned, too. I guess it was because I fought the other kids off for him. He beamed at me and said, "Thank you," to which I replied, "No problem," with a smile.
As I met B-May, I met my cousins Jasmine and Jada. Jasmine is 16 with a license, and Jada is in kindergarten. She's kinda like me, in the sense that we like HP and LOTR (if you don't know what those acronyms are, then you're not enough of a geek xD), but we're quite different. And she treats Jada like crap! The kid's just five years old, for crying out loud! She's pretty, and she's very intelligent. I asked her what 12x12 was...and, boy, she told me the right answer. How do they treat her so badly? They hit her, they yell and scream at her, and they say things like, "Imma kick the shit outta you.." I'm surprised she's so buoyant and cheerful. I gave her a Disney CD from my CD collection that had classical music. I hope she's having fun with it. Whenever I spoke to her, I spoke in a calm, tender voice. I said "Please" and "Thank you" as she did things for me she didn't have to do. I let her spend time with me by staying next to me when I played video games and watched tv, and I even showed her how to draw a face profile. She may be young, but she was SO happy about it. I hope that it serves her well, too. However, as I stayed there, I got a bit uncomfortable, at first. She kept curling up next to me, touching me and all this. I called Lupa to talk to him about random stuff n' whatnot, and I also told him this. He said it was because I'm not mean to her. I'm not a tyrant to her, and that's what snapped me out of the daze. I went back, and she was just waiting for me just as ever. I let her paint my toenails a sparkly blue, some of which still remains on my toes today. ^_^<3
Oh, and about the car accident.....I got into an accident with Jasmine and her friend, Jacquelin. Well, Jackie's a silver spoon girl. You know, filthy rich. She had giant, plastic flowers on her nails, damnit! We tried to ride back to her house in an Expedition XL. This is a rich car. And she thought it was a toy by the way she was driving. We rear-ended a lady on the intersection of Tchulhoma and Winchester. She was in a 1970's Stationwagon. The thing was a piece of junk before we even saw it. Giant dent on the left front side....way lowered bumper. Only thing we did was take out the right tail-light , lower the bumper just a bit more, and take out the back window glass. The one who stepped out was a woman, a giant choco-woman such as myself, her mother (from the looks of it), and her child, who was playing in the backseat WITHOUT A CHILD SEAT/RESTRAINER! Despite the force of the hit, everyone appeared just fine. No cuts or anything. I just got a bruise on my arm from where it was pressed up against the seatbelt (yes, I wear seatbelts. And I just lost some cool points....better safe than sorry.). Then the lady was, like, "AH! MAH BABY HURT! MAH BACK HURT! I'MMA TAKE YOU GUYS TO COURT AND SUE YOU GUYS 'COS Y'ALL GOT MONEY!". Well, the cops and the firemen came. Jackie was in hysterics, and me and Jasmine were pretty cool about the whole situation. We sent the firemen off while the cops assessed the damage. The only thing that Jackie got was a juvie citation for failure to maintain, whereas the lady got at least 6 months in jail for no child seat. She also got a ticket for no insurance, and an outdated liscense. O_o Dood...so we went back to B-May's and made hamburgers. :3
I'll be going back in September, to visit and to see Warren's church finished.
My mother and her lover, Denise, broke up. Just how? Well, everytime Denise wanted to go out with Mom when she moved in, she couldn't do it because Gramma Jean was like "No, I'm a religious homophobic and I hate you"...so she was backseated. This went on for about 2 years. Then mom would bring us out of the blue to Jean's when we didn't even know we were going. She didn't ask us, she just said "Let's go". It's so boring over there, really. I mean, we do have friends, Justin, John, and Remy, but their mother WILL NOT let us see each other more than once a year, which sucks. >_> Not only that, but when my mother would talk to her friends on the phone, Denise had to be quiet. The true catalyst, I think, was when Denise's birthday happened this year. Courtney not only had the kitchen but she had a concert, practice, and a job. She was utterly exhausted with a toothache that kept coming back like the herpes(!, no she doesn't have them...it's a smilie), so, politely, she said no when mom asked her to clean the kitchen to make Denise a birthday dinner. My mom reached half-way from the living room and strangled Courtney for her defiance, and told her to get out the house. To this day, she feels she's in the right, and Courtney was wrong. She was screaming, "GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE! GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE!". This was all from financial stress on the part of my grandmother, who didn't pay a Sears bill, and mom said she'd take the bill. The bill, which was $3000, had to be in by a week, and it couldn't be done... This could have ended differently..but what happened, happened. My brother stayed, while Mom went away to Jean's for the night, and I went to Jeanette's for the weekend. Why did I leave, though? I told Jeanette it was an emergency (I felt that way, at least), and she came with her friend, Aaron, and we went to the movies n' back to her house. I spent the weekend there, which was cool. :3 The relationship ended when Mom told Denise to be quiet as she was calling Lenord, her old-time friend from long ago. They don't see each other very often, not even once a year, and Denise had to take a backseat to him, too? Well, fighting broke out, and it ended. Now, Denise will be moving in with her cousin in Ft. Lauderndale by the end of the month, taking Courtney, too. I feel really bad, because, even though Courtney makes me mad and jealous, she's like the little sister I never had. Jealous? How so? Well, her friends come over, like, almost every week, if not every day. The last friend I had in my house was Jeanette, and that was around JACON last year. :^\ So, I really want friends to play with. I do have friends, but they never come. One of them, Mathew, has at least tried to. He has a really bad sense of direction. I can give him props for that. I know Justin and Remy would love to come to, but they have their overprotective mother to deal with. T_T

About MetroCon and planes..

2006-06-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

MetroCon is Florida's biggest anime convention. It boasts of its Final Fantasy Ball (now it's a Masquerade), Anime Chess Match, and dealer's room as well as it's panels. Many guests, such as Scott McNeil (Duo from Gundam Wing if you know him), Johnny Young Bosch (lead Eyeshine singer/guitarist, Vash the Stampede from Trigun, former Asian "Black" Ranger from Power Rangers way back in the day) come and attend this con, too. Who did I cosplay as? Fujiwara-no-Sai from Hikaru No Go. However, there was not enough fabric for the blouse, and I didn't have a "correct" wig to go with it. I will share my pictures of people cosplaying including myself, though. I still seem to have the issue of not smiling. >_<> What did I do there? Well, I attended the Masquerade. It was the first year that they had kicked it off because the person doing the Ball scheme had retired. The object of this Masquerade was for the Princess Garnet to choose a husband, hopefully her true love to wed. I danced with some interesting people, one of whom had blue wings. He appeared to be a mage, I think. I left with Angie and James to see Mr. Bosch's panel. We found out all sorts of stuff, like how he started, some of the things he did, and the jokes on the set. Oh, and the townspeople not getting mad at them for decimating half their city? That adds to the cheesiness. That's right, it was meant to be cheesy. XD He said that Sabon was evil, evil, evil! And that Mary Jo Johnson had a crush on him...but it kinda stopped after a problem she had. O_o XD The next day, I stayed and watched the cosplay contest, and other events. But what really got me hooked was the Matsuri Dance. Guess what song they played, my friends in the Phils? Can you give me a Y-A-T-T-A?! x3 But I got in trouble because I lost track of time and didn't call my papa before 2:00 in the morning. ^^; He was being generous in taking me the next day, and I didn't let him down. I took pictures of people left who were in cosplay, as well as myself, too.
Now, I'll be leaving to go to Mississipi to spend some time with my Granddaddy Warren. Don't you guys go thinking I died, okay?

Haunting Ground...Next Post is MetroCon..when I rest..^^;

2006-06-04T18:18:00.000-07:00

Not quite sure if you guys noticed while I was gone, but I was busy playing Haunting Ground and after that, I went to MetroCon, Florida's biggest anime convention. I wanna talk about Haunting Ground first before I get down to the nitty-gritty of this blog entry. Haunting Ground is a game made by Capcom. That's right. The same people who brought you MegaMan, and Resident Evil. Anyways...this game takes place in Europe, I think. Abou' our time. You take control of a girl named Fiona, who's trapped in her parents' castle after her parents died in a car crash (O_o Dun ask.) She's left with only some bedsheets to wear, and finds herself waking up in what seems to be a torture chamber. She does escape the room, only to find herself being chased by the giant and mentally challenged (no, I'm not kidding. He IS mentally challenged not to mention unstable) Debilitas aka Debi by me for short. She ducks him for a while, ending up in a guest room, only to find herself looking out the window and seeing a beautiful albino German shepherd named Hewie. He's trapped and in pain, so she helps him escape. This isn't the last she'll see of him, though. She finds solace in one room, where the maid, Daniella is waiting for her. The maid gives Fiona a set of clothes, and walks off to fix diner. And who's waiting and watching! DEBI! But, ah, who comes to her aid? C'est Hewie!! From this point in the game, you'll forge a bond between Hewie and Fiona. Hewie acts as both the brawn, and sometimes the brain, whereas Fiona is a rather vulnerable lady. She can only attack by kicking. She can, however, throw and set things. In addition, a lot of your time will be spent towards either fighting or hiding. By hiding, you can temporarily escape your pursuers. It's not best to hide in the same place all the time, because they will get smart and find you. Oh, one more thing about that....it's all unscripted. What's that? Unlike Resident Evil 3, pour exemple, where Nemesis pops up in certain rooms, your enemies in Haunting Ground will roam the castle as though they were real people in the sense that you never know where you'll find them; you'll know when they appear when the music fades, then switches to something different than the main "theme".It's best to keep Fiona away from them as much as possible, or not examine things like blood, or a scream, because she'll become easily frightened. It's a bit like Clock Tower since you have a "panic meter", but this meter can be seen in the way the screen shifts and in the controller as you can feel it syncopate with Fiona's heartbeat. The screen will become black and white, grainy...if you reach full-throttle panic mode, the only things you can do are run into just about everything (she'll be difficult to control) and call for Hewie (you don't want this, so use items if you can afford to calm her down). If you fall on the floor while in this mode, a hit from the enemy is a "Acta Est Fabula" (lit. Latin--"The Drama Has Been Acted Out") aka GAME FRICKN' OVER. It doesn't stop there, as you'll hear the laughter, or gurgling as they...do what they want with you. It's all just audio, luckily. O_o But Fiona, again, isn't alone...... You can control Hewie by various commands, such as sit, stay, come, and all that happy stuff. He acts like a real dog. You can even play fetch with him when you get the ball. The way you treat Hewie will be one of the determining factors in your game rank and ending (saving not included). My favorite character is Daniella. She's so pretty, depressing, and psychotic! =3

This is why I HATE illiterate "no0bs"!! Part 2

2006-05-30T23:33:00.000-07:00

Okies, umm....I actually tried to wake this dude up with some insults, and he didn't seem to understand them. This time, he made a good role-play involving DNA, plants, and anthropods. But what's the problem? This except was towards the end of my being online last night/this morning:
Miqmiq89: "2 bad i u found me. u shuld have let me di, she said her mouth opening, showing a sieng of a whale.
Surge7221: (what?0
Miqmiq89: (You can't understand that?)
Surge7221: no.)
Miqmiq89: (Want to correct all my grammer?)
Surge7221: just make it readable.))
Miqmiq89: (Funny. Our ideas about that are so different. As you can see, the standards, effort and care that I put in isn't what's being typed right now.)
Surge7221: (what the hell is the sign of the wale?)
Miqmiq89: (..Wale?...You mean whale, right?)
Surge7221: (yah.0
Miqmiq89: (What are whales known for?)
Surge7221: "being the biggest mamals in the world.)
Miqmiq89: (Which means..?)
Surge7221: they eat alot of smallest animals in the world.
Miqmiq89: (And that's just a small amount, right?)
Surge7221: yah.
Miqmiq89: (So you're telling me whales don't eat that much? They can satisfy their hunger in a snap?)
Surge7221: no.
Miqmiq89: (So, Socrates, what have we learned?)
Surge7221: they eat lots.
Miqmiq89: (And what's the sin of gluttony?)
Surge7221: eating tomuch.
Miqmiq89: (Hey, you wanna Nobel for that?)
Surge7221: ...........
Surge7221: new?
Miqmiq89: Nah, I'm gonna go off to bed. I need to finish my costume for this week's con, and I need to get a head start on it because my brother's birthday is tomorrow. See ya later.

....Hey, look! I think he got it! But he wanted to start a new one. O_o Okay, wtf? >_< If I do stumble upon any illiterate no0bs who want to role-play with me, this is where their conversations will go. And I'll actually try to make them feel how I feel when I look at their sentences and want to correct them, to make them better. When people type like this all the time, I make these assumptions depending on how long I've known them:
1) They're children, and need to be treated as such.
2) They're bs-ing, and not really caring or putting much effort. This especially follows in forums, since they have plenty of examples to look at.
3) They might have just got their computer, and are still getting used to typing/role-playing on the fly.

I'm not exactly a Grammer Nazi, since I mispell words in a form of dialect, but I don't think all people like that can't type, hence assumption #3. And it's true...some people do. I've known this guy for about...umm....'bout a year, and he's online a lot of the time. Can you guys at least see where I'm coming from?

This is why I HATE illiterate "no0bs"!!

2006-05-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

Okies, umm....I gotta talk about this. There was this person I met online, just online, and I was desperate enough to to an rp with him. Nothing "bad" mind you, but I had to deal with his slaughter of the English language! Rewind some months ago. He spoke to me out of the blue, so I was intentionally rude to him to get him off my back. He said the reason why he was that way was because he broke his arm. I asked him how old he was, and he said he was 19.............. I was thinking to myself, "Okay...yah, whatever." So this guy, like, talks to me again, and again. This time, though, I thought he actually might've changed. I guess I was wrong. DEAD. WRONG. Wanna see how bad this guy is? Check this out. Oh, before I show you guys, this was going to be a Silent Hill rp...but he EFFING KILLED SILENT HILL with this!!! >_< Read at your own risk. Take some Advil or Tylonol, 'r something while your at it. Oh, and umm...I also did a little experiment to see if he actually noticed if I was literate or not. I guess he didn't notice, because he didn't say anything. As you guys will see, I intentionally made countless errors, but not as bad as he did. Maybe even worse to show him, or try to show him the errors of his ways.

miqmiq89: her eys moved arund the room she was found in, she was speechless. her body ached, and she didn't no where she was.
Surge7221: there was a key in her room as well as a key in his a young man wearing a white sweat shirt black shirt and jeans with big boots. his hair was long and tied back.
Miqmiq89: her body finaly jolted, aknoledging her surroundings. she looked at her hands, corverd in blood. a terrifyed scream passed her lips
Surge7221: her scream woke him up.he looked around" am i dead?"
Surge7221: hello?
Miqmiq89: "what is this?! what am I doing here? and why am I with you?!" her body was choked and and ridled with alarm.
Surge7221: (ie: another room.) with a small hole between them.
Surge7221: "who's that?" Miqmiq89: "i dunno what I'm doing here," sayd a voice.a man looked at her with a strange look in his eys.he appered like 30, hs berd tracing to the side of his chin to near his ears.
Surge7221: (and me?)
Miqmiq89: "oh, yah, i guess you too she said, glancing at the kid in yin-yang colors. what aer you doing her?
Surge7221: ( next room.)
Miqmiq89: (Oh.) maybe if i can see u, then i might actually decide to tlk to u," the girl sayd, snapping.
Surge7221: (hey, youre talking to an thrity year old while im alone.)
Miqmiq89: (Hey, I'm speaking to you from my room.)
Surge7221: oh." damn, what a bitch.."
Miqmiq89: the man looked calm in his spot on the floor.he did seem worried,but his state of mind was still.
Surge7221: he looked around an found his door locked.
Miqmiq89: the girl looked at the man for second, her eyes wavering between fear and sleepfulnes.the next time she opened hr eys, the man wasn;t there.
Surge7221: "hey! heeeey!"

Why did it cut there? He had to leave. Thank goodness.

Mes deviors..

2006-05-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

This is a homework assignment I did in English Honors. We had to model Carl Sandburg's "Chicago"...y'know, talk about a town we've lived in for a length of time. I chose the place I live in now. I hope you guys can understand it.

Lithia
Sheep-eared child of the house,
Adolescent of the shut mind, heart, and open senses,
Adult of an isolated high society's pinnacle,

Bustling, avaricious, yet stagnant

They tell me you are rich, and I believe them, for I watch as the plenty of paper become richer,
and the destitute of souls e'en more impoverished.

And they tell me you have e'erything, and I accept this; my words are, though, there are those who sing a different song, and here there is not even a single note for them.

And they tell me you are a fair, just land expanse, but I say to them: "On the faces of the deceived and the wronged, I have witnessed and borne the scars of persecution."

And, already fed them my truths, I recoil at those who brand anathema to my petite Gaian patch. To them, I say,"Come and show me a region with loving Artemis extends her scepter so felicitously to those who take upon her unsung rescues!

Distracted by their affairs that sing so silently in Chronus' fabrics...
Incomprehensive, unresponsive, more deceased to the world than a passed away grandfather clock who knew but one task....
Loathsome,
Conspiring,
Degenerate,
Abolishing,
Boastful,
Tumbling, Descending, Rising,
Beneath Zeus's sandals, cursing himself for treading on such an impurity,
Beside Poseidon's forgiving veins,
Beneath the skies where dreams shoot from heavens above,
Beside my hopes, still ever wavering,
Wading through the days, fatigued, so fatigued, wondering of they who are, are content to be.....
Sheep-eared child of the house,
Adolescent of the closed mind, heart, and open senses,
And adult of the isolated high society's pinnacle...

It'd be nice to have some comments.

Man, did that feel good..

2006-04-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

We didn't get to do much at Cocoa Beach, but just to get out of the friggn' house felt good. ^_^ I feel refreshed.

Up n' down n' up n' down we go.

2006-04-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've just been....I dunno...my grades have gone down, and I suppose that even throughout all my attempts to make everyone not worry about me, I've become somewhat vulnerable. Even more friends are falling from below me, it seems, but I'm glad that the true ones I have right now are still with me. Makes me feel better.....I think I've become tired, but the end of this week, I'm getting a bit of a break. I'm leaving early to go to Coco Beach!! ^_^ YUSH! Maybe this will make me feel better. I hope I can do it! I've got a month and less to....

As for what's been happening to me lately....a few girls decided to pick on me. They've been pulling my hair and bookbag for the last two months..but, you know what? On Mars (I still can't spell the third day of the week, so I call it Mars. XD Yup, I'm special.), when they decided to bang up against the back of my bus seat, I turned around as quick as a flash, scratched one of them on the arms and told both of them off. ~_^ I hope they got the message. I wonder if the scratch drew blood....<3>
Now in American History, we're studying the Civil Rights Movement. Listen to me: I'm not exactly "proud" to be African-American in this generation, but you know what? I am. Nothing I can do about it. I don't shout it to the highest hilltops ALL the time, though...'cos I don't want to hear myself go into a monotone, and no one else does, either. But, Mars.....we saw authentic clips of fellow AFs as they were fighting segregation's "hands", the dogs and the fire hoses. When a segment was shown of one man going down from a waterblast. Okay, check this out: The people closest to the video projector-thingy, which is right near where the class racist, Tyler...they were sitting, and they were laughing at HIM! So, in my reply, I snapped a they who found it amusing: "Why are you guys laughing?".....No one else dared utter a word. The only two AFs in there, two guys who were right next to him, they disturbed me. Why? Umm.....that's someone on OUR side that helped us win the battle that just went down. Did you guys know that at 100 PSI, it can cut off feet? I talked to my teacher about it. She's only 26 years old, and she felt ashamed, perhaps doubly, since she also teaches Afro-American Studies. I went to lunch, and I dicussed the matter with Armando, Jenna, and Mark. I could hardly hear anything over the talking, but what I did hear was that they'd laugh at the action, too. I explained the circumstances, but I guess no one could hear me over the talking. So, what I did was I said,"Never mind," and left the table before I lost my temper. I'm not asking them to understand. THEY CAN'T, and they won't even try. They were all born in the 90's, every one of them. Maybe if they were part...or something like that, but it seems...I can't talk to them like I want to anymore. *sigh* I hate the people in high school. Maybe I'm being a drama queen again...but please understand where I'm coming from. I'll ask them about their behavior tomorrow when I get to school if I'm still there....
Today was Take Your Son/Daughter To Work Day, and I went with my step-mere to a correctional facility. It was awesome! I got to snack on free Godfather's Pizza, make a plant with a pot for Mom, and I got a little certificate of appreciation, so now I have an excuse for today's absense. X3 We also got to have a water gun fight. That was the best part of the day! And we got to see an officer get EID-ed and he made a fire!! *o* Ooooooooooooooooh!!!
All in all, it's "okay"....I'm still waiting for my letter from Lupa!!! ;_; I miss him; I'm lonely. ^^; XD

sigh

2006-04-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

A lot of the friends I used to think were close are dropping like flies around me, leaving those that seem to barely tolerate me, save for Jeanette, whom I treasure above all else. I can talk to her without a problem....but is it too much to ask for just a couple more that I can actually spend time with? I mean, it's not like I'm trying to push her away..I just want to be around more people....maybe I'm just that annoying? Maybe I really shouldn't say anything to anyone at school for that matter, and see how they react. I've tried this with Ellie and Ilea. For two weeks, they did not respond. And I did that in Sophomore year. I guess that tells me where my loyalties lay...
Maybe I really am that annoying in person, which is why people gravitate towards me online....ain't that sad? I'm like a broken member of American Society......as much as I love it, there are a lot of things I hate about America....and that's the truth...I'll tell it in my next post...
I finally replied to Lupa's snail-mail letter. =\ Ever since he left, I've felt so restless, even though we didn't spend that much time with each other. I feel horrible, though, since he was, like, next door to my aunt's house.....I miss him very much. I wonder what he's doing there, and if he's happy. ^^;
Anyway, I promised the rest of the story in my next post, so here goes nothing...

The boy left again, and the tree felt lonely. She had no leaves to keep her warm, no fruit to attract anyone near, no branches to stand proud and tall. Though the snow and birds and bugs were her closest companions, they did not talk to her, either.
But the boy came back to the tree,you see, and he said,"Giving tree, I am no longer the robust man I used to be, but a saddened husk of what I once was. I am an old man, and life has been so cruel to me." "I'm sorry, little boy," she replied in a hushed whisper, for her strength had waned while he had been gone. "But I have no shade for you to sit under, no oranges for you to sell, no branches for you to build a house from. I am a tree stump now.." At this, she felt terrible. What would he do now? What would he say?
"That's all right, giving tree. All I need now is a good place to sit, rest, and think." "Well, that's what a tree stump is good for..."
So the boy sat on the tree stump, and they talked and talked. Rumors had spread of a storyteller in the countrysides from miles and miles around. The children and the adults came by multitudes. They talked to the boy, and they talked to the tree.
The tree was happy, and the boy was happy.

The End~

When we was kids.....

2006-04-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Remember all those good shows we used to see, like Alegra's Window, and Gullah Gullah Island? And the GOOD Blue's Clues??? Man, I caught myself singing the Gullah Gullah Island theme song. X3 That show was THA SHIZNIT, mon amis!!! Yo, holla at'cha girl if you know some shows I didn't mention!!

Also, in the next post, I'll continue the retelling, okies?

Also, a friend of mine on Gaia, Klingeth...she drew the first anime/video game guy I EVER fell in love with! Here he is at the side. He came from Battle Arena Toshinden: Ultimate Revenge Attack, and his name is Ripper, and you can't have him. Why?
THIS DUDE ISH MINE!! SO BACK OFF, HOMZIES!! You mess wif dis guy, you get run over by my wheels.

That bad, huh?

2006-04-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

No comments? Well, okay. I won't do anything else.

The Giving Tree: As Retold By Miqa

2006-04-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Once in my childhood, I came across a story written by one of my favorite authors, Shel Silverstein. He wrote the story "The Giving Tree", and it's about a tree that gives to this boy from start to finish in his life unconditionally. So, I thought, "I love the story so much, I'll retell it to you guys!" This is my attempt to bring back something I really treasure just for you guys. please do not steal my words.

The Giving Tree: As Retold By Miqa

Once upon a long, long time ago, there was a boy. Upon this time, also, was a tree.

Not just any tree, mind you, but a giving tree whose seed was planted far away from her friends. She had no one to talk to but the boy.

And this giving tree loved the little boy.
He'd play around the tree until he had to go back to his home.
He'd climb up to the highest branches to see what he could see.
He's swing from branch to branch, and pretend he was a monkey.

One heat wave during the summer, the little boy asked the tree,"It's so hot, giving tree!" "Well," the tree began, " Well, I do not have air conditioning, but I have enough leaves that you may sit under as shade, if you'd like." "Thank you, giving tree." With that, the boy took the tree's offer.
The boy was happy, and the tree was happy.

He began to grow, you see, as all living things do; while doing this, he moved away from the tree a bit. The tree felt lonely, for she could not talk to anyone. Though the breeze, and rain were her companions, they did not talk to her, either.
He came back to the tree one day, saying to it: "I saw something that I wanted when I went to the store with my mother, but I didn't have any money to get it. Will you give me some money, giving tree?" "Well, I cannot give you money, but I have oranges, twigs and leaves, but if you'd like, you may take my oranges and sell them in your town." "Thank you, giving tree." The boy then climbed up and gathered as many as he could. he took them to market, and he made a pretty penny from them.
The boy was happy, and the tree was happy.

The boy left again, and the tree felt lonely. Though the ants and the ground were her closest companions, they did not talk to her, either.

The boy came back, and this time, he said to the tree: "I'm a man now, but I need a shelter, a place to call my very own. Giving tree, can you give these things to me?" "Well, I cannot give you a house, for I am stuck firmly to this ground; but I can give you my branches to make your house, if you'd like." So the boy took the branches and made himself a house.
The boy was happy, and the tree was happy.

Sadly, it's not done. I'll leave it at that so you can sample it. ~_^

Maybe I shouldn't even scratch my hair...

2006-04-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

Hey. Well, I was looking at my braided hair, and it looked too nappy, so I decided to take it down. Mom threw a gasket; everyone said my hair looked just fine. So, after washing it, I decided to put a hot comb through it, which was the first time. Everyone said I'd burn the house down or burn myself that wasn't my brother. I decided to prove them wrong. It's kinda almost done, but no one seems to be proud of the fact I took initiative to actually take care of myself. I won't style my hair after more I get it braided again; I don't want my head chewed off, and my pride hacked down..

The Waterscribe is back in business!!

2006-03-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, my computer died. We're getting a replacement hard-drive, actually. =3 Oh, and me and Nanaki-kun sorted things out. *sweatdrop* Okay, I'll admit, I was a drama-queen about it, and I wasn't thinking things through. Luckly, his cousin and his friend snapped me back into reality. Thanks Regina-chan and Najee-chan. ^_^ You really helped me.

I guess I'm not as revolutionary as I thought...

2006-03-18T23:41:00.000-08:00

I found out the reason why they didn't celebrate ethnic-American history months in my school. They didn't know how to go about it. I can't blame them for that...but that's just what they said. I have a lot of ideas I could bring to it, but at the same time, I think it might divide people...I've been having a lot of thoughts on racism. I feel most sorry for the ones that are mixed, you know? Tell me your thoughts on racism, you guys...

Stop wasting my time!!

2006-03-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm sure all of you are/were aware that last month was African/Black-American History month. What does this post have to do with last month? Well, I'll tell you.

I asked my American History teacher, Mrs. Ingle why we didn't celebrate, or even recognize it, or any other ethnic holiday in our school in an e-mail over a weekend. She replied at school telling me she didn't know, though we do have and offer African American studies. She even devoted part of her lecture to my question, but I wasn't satisfied. So, I decided to ask my school principal, Mrs. Anderson, why we didn't. That was last month, people! LAST MONTH!! I know she has a ton of stuff to do as our principal, however, I've been waiting for a good, long time. I want an answer. NOW. As long as I've been at my high school, we have yet to see any celebration. Therefore, tomorrow morning, I'm going to see her. I want to know why she hasn't sent me a response yet, and I will report my findings to my family, friends, and this blog. I want my classmates, my enemies, and my friends to know their ancestor's histories. It's bad enough we have labels and stereotypes for ignorance and whatnot, and it seems they're inevitable. I want it for not just my school, but all the schools. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. If anyone so much as reads a word of this, please put a comment for this post. I want my fellow Americans to know much more than who invented the traffic signal rather than who won the BET title for best rapper of the year!! Therefore, I'm hoping to start some sort of group or organization to push for the recognition of ethnic history months in schools in America. If you can help me out, I'd be much abliged. Please. Help me. Someone famous once said that if we do not know our history, we are doomed to repeat it. Would anyone want a repeat of 9/11? Would anyone like a repeat of the Civil War, when we, America, as a country, are already at war?

Random stuff...1

2006-02-18T15:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm finally going to start making those little anime dolls I said I was going to make. I do have the list.:
John-Shin Tenchi (Tenchi Muyo!)
Katrice- Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket)
Ellie- Miroku (Inuyasha)
Lupa-kun -Vicious (Cowboy Bebop)

And unknown to a friend of mine, I'm going to make one of her character. XD
Also, I'm going to start a new costume project with the help of my grandmother. I'll be cosplaying as Fujiwara-no-Sai. Hopefully, this will be done by MetroCon.

Guess what I found?

2006-02-14T19:58:00.000-08:00

Take a look at this. What do you guys think? Post it in the comment section, please?
http://ebaumsworld.com/videos/nword.html

I wish Valentine's Day would die. Or maybe I'm just vain, insecure, AND confused.

2006-02-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I loved it. I got candy, cards, and gifts. But when I met Rvy-kun and told him happy V-Day, he said he didn't celebrate it because he didn't need one special day of the year to tell his beloved he loved her. I felt so heartbroken after that, and it troubled me all the way through middle school and high school. I never had anyone to celebrate it with, so I ended up hating it. If I did get anything, it was because no one wanted me to feel left out. It was for the wrong reason.....What I mean to say is that as February 14th passes by, I've always been depressed because of it. Why? Everyone was so happy that they got this or that. Blah, blah, and I sit in the corner, gathering up dust.
Now, as I'm in high school, they're building little popularity tests because of it. Valentine's Day, I mean. Why? Oh, well. Popularity doesn't matter in places after high school. No one wanted, or wants to celebrate it with me, so why celebrate with anyone else? Sure, I'll eat the candy, but that's it. I like the little cards Rvy-kun made, but I know they're for someone else. I'm happy, though, for him, because he's sharing it with someone he really loves, and they're closer to him, whereas I'm on the other side of the world. What can I do? He's going to fall further in love with them, and there goes me out his heart. I have to be a big enough person to accept that he used to love me, and that we can't be together. I do feel the knife's stabs of jealousy and betrayl, but I have to get over it. I have other things to do than throw a pity party because my special one walked out on me for someone else, like continue my education. I promised myself I was going to visit him and his friends in the Philippines, but, now, my agenda's changed.
I guess I'm just depressed because of it. I love him dearly, though I may be with other people, but no one can serve two or more people. I can just hear him saying that he'll leave me for her because she's closer. I know it; I feel it. I'm just moving off of borrow'd time....
Or, maybe...I'm just confused in between individuality, "fitting in"--conformity, love, lust, sex, being afraid of people....I'd like a "Valentine to actually stick around afterwards. Is that so pathetic or hard to ask?
Additionally, though, I don't think I have that much trust in anyone, so the first thing to go without an explanation is almost like...a blow. And then I need compensation for it.
I just don't know. But, all I do know, is that there's been one person who's alwyas been there for me, though he came after Rvy-kun's arrival. I can talk to him about anything, so long as I'm willing to listen to all he has to say. So, I'm going to take the time to thank dear Lupa for all his support. You've always been my hero, and I will never forget your friendship. I may not like the fact that Bush wants the ones working for the US military/army to be in Iraq for a decade, but somehow, I think you'll do well.

Dreams and Cornbread

2006-02-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

I got to try the best cornbread! It was made by someone else, and a tablemate let me try some. I'm close to being officially "black". XD Oh, and in other news, I met this guy around two, three weeks. His name is Nick, but I shall call him Jak, because he's the only dude I actually know at school with a goatee. I've been having romantic, date-type dreams about him. Only two, though. But I've just met this guy! I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him. I know he's attractive to me, not just physically, but mentally, too; I'm just afraid that if he knows I like him, that he'll just think I'm some type of wierdo. We need to be around each other a bit more before we I say that to him......

Stalker-Charms

2006-02-06T15:35:00.000-08:00

I made some charms for people who've got stalkers. I think you can use it for blogs, forums, and all that stuff, but I'm having trouble making it bigger. So, if any of you guys can enlarge my images and give them back to me, I promise you, I will repay your efforts. Here's the first one.

XD Yay!

2006-02-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

Guess what, you guys? I beat Resident Evil 3: Nemesis and Onimusha: Warlords all by myself! XD UBER SUGOI-NESS!! TAKE THAT, NEMESIS AND ONIMUSHA!

New look f'r Lupa

2006-01-28T21:17:00.000-08:00

^_^ They had a new pet at Bunny Labs, so I decided to see it. And it's a WOLFIE!

Stuff that happened while I was gone..

2006-01-23T13:28:00.001-08:00

1) There were Anti-Gay protesters to protest our GayStraightAlliance club that promotes sexuality tolerace.
2) I'm going to be a bit more active now on Gaia with a Wild West rp and some other stuff...
3) I'm going to make little Anti-Stalker charms on Gaia.
.......That's all I can think of.

Character Sins!

2006-01-15T03:43:00.000-08:00

Yo! This post is devoted to the Deadly Sins and The Boodocks test I took! XD Check it!

You are Grandad. Nobody knows how old you are,
Malcolm X died still owing him five dollars. As
much as Huey and Riley fight, they're no match
for your "Crazy-Ass-Old-Black-Man"
standards.

Which Homonculus from FMA are you? ((with pics))

Sloth: The avoidance of physical or spiritual workSynonyms: Laziness, idleness, sluggishness, inactivity, indolence, apathyAntonyms: LivelinessPunishment In Hell: Thrown in to a pit of snakesAssociated Symbol: GoatAssociated Color: Light BlueCelestial Ruler: SaturnPersonality: Pretty bland, somwhat boring. (Hence the name.) Even so, she seems to be sort of a leader when it comes to the Sins. Any Spoilers?: Sloth is the Fuhrer's secretary, and she was the soldier who sparked the start of the Ishbal war, after she killed a child. She was later killed, but then was created when Edward and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back. In the End?: In the end, Wrath ends up absorbing Sloth. Wrath and Sloth seemed to be unstoppable, until Edward transmuted her into ethanol- a colorless liquid, which caused her to disperse into the atmosphere.
Take this quiz!

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Armand. Beautiful, dark, the symbol of eternal
youth. You are the evil child of the
Rennaisance and the servant of Satan in Paris.
Congrats Boticelli Angel.

Editing

2006-01-14T14:10:00.000-08:00

I'm doing some stuff with the layout...please forgive me if they are crappy. *.*

The Inferno Test

2006-01-10T04:06:00.000-08:00

Mwahaha! Behold my Dante's Inferno Test results!
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

That maid..

2006-01-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

Here's a piccy of that maid. XD Nanaki, you shouldn't be afraid of her..or me. O_o Whatever.

Stuff you gotta know...

2006-01-08T07:46:00.000-08:00

Hi! I know I haven't written anything lately. I've been busy with school and gifts n' games and stuff...but, now, you guys gotta know something.
I'm bi. >_> DEAL TEH FECK WITH IT!
I'm also a kinky pervert..but, I'm still me. And I don't just go around humping random people when I walk by. O_o No...that's just wrong.
I beat my first Resident Ebil game with my brother's help! XD I wanna conquer the rest of them.
My cuddlebuddy moved away. ;-; But, before he did, he gave me an awesome hat. XD
I'm quite active on Gaia now. Account name ish SonarP. That's my dream avie as the pic. Actually, it's not. It's just something I made in my free time.
I WANT TO PLAY HUNTING GROUND WHEN IT COMES OUT! That maid, Daniella...she's sexy, and spooky. XD I've also decided to, like, use 'er form for a bit. >_> And DOGGIE interaction! XD No, that's not supposed to be a carnal comment...
I also prefer the presence of people older than me. O_o I'm not exactly too fond for younger people, though I have one friend that's less than 13 years old as far as I know.

More craptastic art...by me!

2005-12-06T16:41:00.000-08:00

Yo! This picture is dedicated to my friend, Justin!.....Lionel's little brother. XD You rock, Justin! But I need to give you a new name. If you can't read the captions, it says "Happy belated birthday, Justin-kun! Don't let the birthday bonks get you! Love, Miqae`lah-chan".........or something like that.

Sicky iggy iggy....

2005-12-05T15:31:00.000-08:00

I've been sick for the past couple of days. With what, I dunno. It's like a bad cold/fever mixed with a light touch of that diharreha-thingy. x_X ;_; *whine* So...to celebrate the occasion..I made a highly exaggerated picture of me. Either the I need to continue working on pixel art, get a scanner, or you guys need to P34R T3H CR4PP1\355 0F \/Y 4RT\/\/0RK! XD
And, yes, I am African-American.
[IMG]http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d53/SonarP/SickMe.jpg[/IMG]

Testing...

2005-11-29T16:10:00.000-08:00

I got my bed banner to work, but it's at the bottom of the site. ;_______; If anyone can help me, could you e-mail me and help me?

Seasongs Greetings!

2005-11-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

Some good things happened over th' past couple of days"
I got another early X-Mas gift, and this time, it's from Lupa-kun! Lupa-kun, you have rocked my rainbow-radioactive socks to the point where they hath leapt off my feet with joy!
I have become a bedder! That's right! XD
I'm kinda close to getting my dream avatar on Gaia!...Well, not really. If anyone does Gaia, and would like to donate, my account name is SonarP. Maybe we would role-play some time?
I found the biggest collection of NiGHTS Into Dreams music and have joined their community! *.* Yes, I still love NiGHTS Into Dreams. Maybe you can do some research on it with Wikipedia.com? I wish I still had a Sega Saturn... ;_;

Stuff that made my Inner Leo purr... :3

2005-11-19T04:17:00.000-08:00

1) An anime buddy of mine gave me the first Naruto movie with fansub subtittles! *.* Yes, I said subtittles. It's one of my words. XD And he also gave me some Bleach episodes! *.* So, I'll have to give him a big Christmas gift for it.
2) I had a cinnamon bun, two cookies, and some milk for breakfast. Tres bon. :3
3) My acrylic (sp?) painting is nearly done. Sadly, my teacher for Drawing and Painting cut us off. I wish I could have done more to it...
4) By the time I reached home from school, I had no homework! XD It's a rare moment to behold...but I still gotta do that extra credit for Geometry. -_-
5) I think I know what college I want to go to! It's one of the Art Institutes in Florida! And the cool thing is that the farthest I might have to go is Atlanta, Georgia! That's not too far from where I was born...which was Fort Benninng (sp?). Somehow, since I've been reading "The Purpose-Driven Life", I felt that the question of "Where might I go to next?" has been answered. Tres bien! ^^
6) I might see the newest Harry Potter today! XD I think I might tease Nanaki-kun more with his appearance and some Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans just a wee bit. Personally, I like Vomit, Grass, and Dirt. Why? Vomit has this kinda peppery-fruity kinda taste. O_o Dirt and Grass are aromatic to me, but that doesn't mean I go around eating dirt and grass and vomit. It's just nasty and disgusting! x.< Oh, and I like all the other pleasant beans, too, like Bubble Gum, Popcorn, Cherry (it's always been my favorite flavor for nearly everything), and all that good stuff.
7) I'm staying with my aunt and gramma for the weekend. I'm glad to be here, typing with my aunt's computer. We really need to stick together more now that Aunt Tisha's gone to The Great Beyond.

That's all I can think of...

O_o Oh, dear...

2005-11-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

I wish I could have taken a picture of it, but I DUN HAVE A DIGITAL CAMERA! My brother wore the plastic man-thong he made in school yesterday. XD If he's homosexual or not, that's okay with me. Just as long as he's mah bro...y'know?.........but...it does kinda make me twitch. O_o I mean.....ne'ermind. >,x

The Weight On My Shoulders

2005-11-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

Ever tried to please more than one person? It's a daily thing for me. And I always try to do as best as I can for everyone so that I don't get in trouble, or at least to keep everyone amused. A friend said to me last night, "You're weak," just because I tend to overthink some concepts in video games, and stuff like that. And he's absolutely right. I don't even have enough courage to tell anyone that I don't like it when they pick on me. And it's true. I don't want to get in trouble with anyone, so it just let things slide by. I wish I was what everyone wanted me to be, that way everyone could be happy. I've forgotten how to make myself happy, so I guess I use their happiness to temporarily fill me. I'm so afraid to really be myself, because I fear the rejection of the ones closest to me...and I feel I always get the shorter end of the stick, but I don't complain. Why? Because no one likes someone who complains all the time, especially when they can do something about their predictament. I don't do the things on my mind that usually come to me because I'm a late thinker, you see, someone that usual has words like "Maybe I should have done this or that.." I wish that I wasn't so forgiving sometimes, but I guess it's second nature, you know?

Resident Ebil....Oooh! Spooky!

2005-10-29T01:47:00.000-07:00

Here are the results of some of the little RE quizzes I took:

You are Dr Clarissa Harlech!
You are an ordinary person caught in an extremely
difficult situation because of your trusting
nature and tendency to rely on others. You're
worried that anything you do now will get you
into trouble one way or another. As a result of
this, you lack confidence and have become
afraid of absolutely everything. You are
conscientious and care deeply, and you feel
guilty about what you've done even though
you're not to blame for your current situation.
Because of this, you try and make up for this
by helping others whenever you can. You hope
that one day you can make things right again,
but first you need to accept that it wasn't
your fault.

Which 'Resident Evil - Project Lucifer' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a hunter. The evil frog of doom with a knack
for tickin' people off by chopping off their
heads.

What Resident Evil monster are you
brought to you by Quizilla
Spence

Which Resident Evil movie character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
............I guess I can be greedy at times. But that's not my downfall. It's my underconfidence, mistrust, and paranoia. I think I know myself well enough to say that..

Wesker - you use your intelligence and manipulative
skills for your own personal gain, you dirty
rat!

Which S.T.A.R.S. member in Resident Evil are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
But I'm not the one in the wheelchair, am I?! XD
You may not be the oldest or strongest person, but
your quick and smart. In tough physical
situations you find difficulty and need help
from others. On the good side, you'll do what
ever you can to help others and others find
themselves drawn to you. You are Sherry Birkin.

Which main Resident Evil Character are you like and why?
brought to you by Quizilla
It is kinda true...I'm not exactly fit..but I am slimming down!

Miku

Which Survival Horror Heroin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Now, for all of those who don't know who Miku is, she's the character from a video game series called Fatal Frame. Do a bit of research on it.
Oh, and check this out!

You're a Zombie Attack, every game has them, in
fact they're all based on them. Feel
important? you should.

What Resident Evil game cliche are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Later there will be more..

A Death In The Family

2005-10-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just got the news from my mother today while she called me from my aunt's: My grand-aunt, Tish, is dead. From cancer, as far I know. But, you know, death is a natural element in life. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes, or what ever deity have you. Her suffering is over, and I should be happy....but I can't help but cry. I didn'w know her that well, I know that she was kind, yet firm. I'm trying not to cry, but I just can't help it. I don't know why...They say that crying is a way to get over stress, or something else...I forgot. I'll mourn, but not for long. A person can't spend all their time mourning over the death of another, or their life will cease to exist, and only be in a standstill, you know what I mean?

Question Authority! Don't Hop In A Car You Feel No Control Over! OR Labels Are For Social Soup Cans!

2005-10-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot more thinking recently, and I've been trying to set some things right. Let me take you on a trip in history to guide you through my thoughts.
How many of you remember The Who, or know The Who? The Who is a musical band. What makes them so significant? Well, check this out. The places where I got the information will be at the bottom of this post.
"On the day of December 3rd, 1979, eleven concert ticketholders in a crowd of 8,000-10,000, or perhaps more, were crushed to death and scores were injured trying to enter a sold-out rock concert by The Who in Cincinnati."
I know what you're going to say. "This happens in concerts and the like all over the world all the time." Right? Something along the lines? Do a little research on the words "Sheffield, England 1989". Try the news, more specifically in the sports section. Another one with wild crowds, right? Well, let me go on further with the words of Jane Elliott's poem, "I Am White": "I am better than you. I am smarter, I am more attractive. You are stupid and lay. Your children are dirty and rude. I and my kind will always be superior to you and yours. I am white."
"White supremacy", eh? I'm not finished yet. And I have nothing against people who fit the "white/Caucasian" description, the physical one, mental, etc ones.
Let's also absorb some of the key points in Gustav LeBon's "The Crowd":
"Feelings and moods circulating within group."
"Individuals are highly receptive to being led."
"They give way to the Collective Mindset of the Group."
"Individuals cease to be individuals."
We can see that is evident in groups, more or less out of control groups. I'm gonna break list some words, and see what three dictionaries have to say about them. What does the Bible say about them?
Straight.
Bisexual
Gay
Homosexual
This is what Dictionary.com says about the 4 words:
Straight- Extending continuously in the same direction without curving: a straight line.
Following a direct or correct method or approach; systematic: straight reasoning.
Characterized by undeviating support, as of a principle or a political party: always votes a straight party line; a straight Democrat.
Not deviating from what is considered socially normal, usual, or acceptable; conventional.
Conventional to an extreme degree.
Heterosexual.
Not deviating from the normal or strict form: straight Freudian analysis.
Of or relating to a straight man.
Bisexual-Of or relating to both sexes.
Having both male and female reproductive organs; hermaphroditic.
Botany. Denoting a single flower that contains functional staminate and pistillate structures; perfect.
Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of either sex. n.
A bisexual organism; a hermaphrodite.
A bisexual person.
Gay-
Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.
Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry.
Bright or lively, especially in color: a gay, sunny room.
Given to social pleasures.
Dissolute; licentious. A person whose sexual orientation is to persons of the same sex.
A man whose sexual orientation is to men: an alliance of gays and lesbians.
But, umm...where did sexual meanings pop up from? Ask American society, or the other note at the bottom of this word: The word gay is now standard in its use to refer to homosexuals, in large part because it is the term that most gay people prefer in referring to themselves. Gay is distinguished from homosexual primarily by the emphasis it places on the cultural and social aspects of homosexuality as opposed to sexual practice. Many writers reserve gay for males, but the word is also used to refer to both sexes; when the intended meaning is not clear in the context, the phrase gay and lesbian may be used. Like the other names of social groups derived from adjectives (for example, Black), gay may be regarded as offensive when used as a noun to refer to particular individuals, as in There were two gays on the panel; here phrasing such as gay members should be used instead. But there is no objection to the use of the noun in the plural to refer collectively either to gay men or to gay men and lesbians, so long as it is clear whether men alone or both men and women are being discussed.
Homosexual-
Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.n. Usage Problem
A homosexual person; a gay man or a lesbian.
Usage Note: Many people now avoid using homosexual because of the emphasis this term places on sexuality. Indeed, the words gay and lesbian, which stress cultural and social matters over sex, are frequently better choices. Homosexual is most objectionable when used as a noun; here gay man and gay woman or lesbian and their plural forms are called for. It is generally unobjectionable when used adjectivally, as in a homosexual relationship, although gay, lesbian, or same-sex are also available for adjectival use.
Straight- to be ok with how things are going.
"you want a piece?""no man, im straight
1. heterosexual2. used to describe a person who does not participate in "dangerous" activity such as drugs, alchohol, sex or criminal activity. A good girl/guy.3. to tell it straight - to tell the truth4.
1. Did you see how he reacted to that guy coming on to him? He is so straight.2. Sally is so straight, she never breaks any rules.3. "You being straight?""Seriously, it really happened."
Gay-Wh1. jovial or happy, good-spirited2. a homosexual male or female3. often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate. originating from homophobia. quite preferable among many teenage males in order to buff up their "masculinity"
1. "We'll have a gay old time."2. "You DO know he's gay. Notice his homoerotic pornography collection."3. "Man, these seats are gay. I can't even see what's going on!"
Bisexual-A person who is emotionaly, sexually, physically and spiritually attracted to both genders. A person who also can find it hard to decide which sex to be with; but isn't someone who does it for attention, or desperation.
Homosexual-a person whose sexual preference is members of the same sex. Male homosexuals are usually referred to as gays, and females as lesbians. Homosexuality is not a perversion or a disease, but merely an aspect of sexuality that has been around for thousands of years.
Why are so many people homophobic? Homosexuals are great! Men should like gays since they remove twice as many men and no women from the dating pool, and lesbians, since they apparently give them something to watch; vice versa for women. Not only that, but homosexuals by default don't add to the already grossly swollen human population...
And, finally, this is what Merriam-Webster
Gay-1 a : happily excited :
b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits2 a gayb : brilliant in color3 : given to social pleasures; also : LICENTIOUS, HOMOSEXUAL: of, relating to, or used by homosexuals
Homosexual-1 : of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex2 : of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex
Bisexual-1 a : possessing characters of both sexes:
b : sexually oriented toward both sexes2 : of, relating to, or involving both sexes
Straight-g (1) : exhibiting no deviation from what is established or accepted as usual, normal, or proper : >CONVENTIONAL, h : HETEROSEXUAL
At kind of point am I trying to make? Well, as far as I'm concerned, these words really don't exist to me in the context of sexual preference. In fact, I use the word "gay" relating to happy or positive emotions, something along those lines. And let's take a look at the word "straight"...that kinda means to go in the same direction without curving. Now what does this have to do with crowds? Lemme explain:
I firmly believe that all organisms have the right to choose whomever they love, regardless of any institution or power that is on this lil' clay ball we call Earth. We cannot choose whom we really love. It just happens. And we usually know what we feel when it happens.
We can choose, however, what we hate. What we hate is for the most part taught to us by external sources, and personal experience. The other portion is what we fear or what we do not know. From friends, family, from what we've heard/said, anything of the sort falls here.
The Bible can say whatever you want of it to say, but because America as far as I know predominantly serves a religion relating to God (example, Baptist, Catholic, Christian), the Bible does not condone any bisexual or homosexual behavior, but thinks of it as a great and terrible sin.
Look at my "Closet" theory, and get a good read of it.
So many people have such a problem with the two behaviors that they will kill people for it. Isn't that a bit contradictory? Christians, or people who serve God killing other people because they can't help themselves, because they're different? Anti-Homo/Bisexual sites and organizations? Make sure they cannot move about anywhere politically, and treat them worse than dirt everyday? Ah, but they are still people. And in the Bible, doesn't murder register as a sin? Hatred as well? I'm no saint, believe me, I hate. I bear grudges. But, I treat the people whom in which I hate with respect. Sometimes, if I find their position rather pathetic, I'll laugh at them from the inside or help them.I just wish, deep down, that we could get to know each other without the border of ignorance...that's what I really wish...you know what I mean? I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we need to not go with the "mind" of everyone's mind, but with our own. For all the hetrosexual people who can't stand anyone else unless they are of that orientation, ask yourself this question: Did they do anything to hurt me? Are they trying to encourage me into something I dont want?
Don't be afraid to know people who deviate from the norms of whatever society you live in. You may be missing out on someone who might actually care about you and will do anything for you. -_-(_) And anyone that's reading this who's homosexual or bisexual: I'm not trying to do anything to hurt any of you. This is just what I've been thinking over an accumulation of months. And, well, how exactly can I know something about this? My mother is homosexual, and so is her beloved. My grandmother and my father cannot stand this by any means, and hope to impose their religions on us. But, as far as I know, my mother and her beloved have done nothing wrong on any counts other than go by their choices and their hearts! >_< Are we really so caught up in society's norms that we will actually hurt those who have done nothing to hurt us? But, you know what, my mother did not tell me until roughly July of two years ago, and I've been doing a great deal of thinking. And this is what I came up with?

My mother still loves me for who I am, regardless of her preference. So what if she is homosexual? What has that fact done to me or for me? Has it changed her behavior towards me? No; she's still the same mother I know and love.

It's really changed my perspective of those with different preferences. And, you know what? For now, I'm hetro. But, as any factor in the universe can change, that can change as well.

Catch m'drift? But, somehow, I don't think we can escape social labels...I guess I'm being a bit hypocritical...but I'm really trying not to. If I am, let me appologise.

Some Radical Stuff...Am I Dangerous To America? O_o

2005-10-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

Here's some words I sent to my uncle in an e-mail about some of the stuff I actually think about.

I don't think I can tell anyone what my dominant emotion is, because it would be most likely scare them, so I just keep everything bottled up inside. I know it's not very healthy, but this seems to be the only way I or anyone else can be happy or to not get in trouble....is it possible to become persecuted via emotions? If so, then I really don't think I would like to be human anymore, but live as a machine. If something bad happens to them, they don't complain. If someone treats them horridly, they show no emotion. I think that by telling people my problems, I'm complaining, and I feel that I should do something rather than complain, thus, I try to show as little emotion as possible and give the explanation for my action. Tell me, does it really matter the opinions of a person? Do thoughts speak action than words?
It seems the household I live in, as well as taking Sociology, Psychology, and Psychology II have given me a wider, bigger view of life. I know my mother is a lesbian (or at least this is the term dubbed in this society for her sexual preference), and that this has never stopped her from loving me before. So what if she is? It hasn't changed her personality, so why should I care? In fact, why should anyone care what anyone's sexual preference is? Because of the Bible? Call me radical, call me blasphemous; I don't care, but I firmly believe that as a person is human, they have the right to love whomever they want, unrestrained by any institution or power than is on this lil' rock we call Earth. Anyone can manipulate the truth, or what has been said in the past, right? Many people who follow any faith related to God say that God is love, yet they discriminate against anyone whom does not share their views. And, if I am correct, it is God's place to judge any human that has died, or any animal possibly for that matter. Yet, I see and hear violence of people who are "different". Maybe they can't help themselves for being that way? Maybe it (fate, or God) chose them to be the way that they are. Who are we to do God's job? What nerve! ...But, you know what, that seems to be the way the world, or at least American society works. Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself, or I'm restating the obvious fact that the world and life is not fair, as soon as we are born, we are meant to die, and that as long as there are people about, there is no such thing as a utopia. Can anyone really be the ones they want to be with society tugging at their limbs like a sorrowed marrionette doll or puppet? Is it really true that when in order to please the ones around us, we must please themselves? What if we do become ourselves? Will they like us? Will we be labeled as "satanic" or "demon spawn", "radical", "deviant", or otherwise? I've really done some thinking on discrimination and racism? If you think me as trouble now, you have not seen anything yet to come. One way or another, I will shake the foundation in which someone stands upon for better or worse. And it will be a sweet moment to savor. Perhaps this is my revenge upon the world for all the "problems" that I've been through. I really don't know.......should I be the next one to shock America? Are we really just stuck on some ball about to be hurled into some other firey ball locked in an eternal struggle for good versus evil, happiness against unhappiness, strife, and the darkest of emotions to never have it resolved?

Scary stuff, ain't it? Well, guess what? As soon as I get my thoughts in gear, you're sure to see more. >_> I am not in the best of moods right now.

A Period of Enlightenment?

2005-10-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

Just last night, I had a thought, no, a theory, about the psyche of a person. Well, I think so. Here it is:

At birth, we are given a closet. And at first, there is only one person in the closet. But as the person grows, the person gets more people in the closet, thus the closet becomes in need of expansion. And it does, or it shrinks unconsciously depending on the interactions and environment of this person. And throughout the years of the outside person's life, there are clothes that the person puts on for protection, or for masking whatever emotions that outer person has towards people, life, and everything else. Now, as the closet becomes full with people and clothes, the people inside the closet tend to fight. The person who becomes the most dominant of the people in the closet would become the true self of the outer person. Now, over time, the dominant person will change, and maybe even go back into the closet to become a stronger person.

I have made a character from this little period of enlightenment. I need to tie up some loose ends. Tell me what you think of this mental discovery I made and post it in the comments section.

Hot, cold, hot, cold, and you know what? I got a problem...

2005-10-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

I've got the flu. And I think it's knocked my hypothalamus out of whack. I hate this hot/cold thing! But some good did come out of it: I got to see Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo (really strange anime), and a new episode of Naruto. But they kinda messed it up...I remember Kakashi's voice sounding lower. And my problem? I have a fixation for guys with grey/gray/silver hair....like: Sephiroth, Ansem, Dante, Virgil....*.* The list goes on.

Damn Love-Bugs

2005-09-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

That's right, it's lovebug season here in Florida. Don't know what they are? Look 'em up on Google or Yahoo. I don't care what anyone says, they are annoying, they have no point of existance, and they're EVERYWHERE! They invade my house, my room, and they bring in with them their pathogens! >_<

In additional news, I got to name my father's kitten. I don't know the type of cat he is exactly (Tabby, Calico, etc.), but I know that he's white and has a grey diamond on his head. At least that's what my father told me over the phone. His name is Manekineko, but we call him Neko for short. The name Manekineko goes back to feudal Japan, where a feudal lord was passing by in a land one day. As he was passing by, there was a cat that made a threatening gesture to him. At this sight, the lord jumped back, and from the spot the lord had jumped back from, a strip of lightning had bounced down from the heavens, leaving a blackened patch of Earth. The cat had saved his life. From that moment on, the cat was looked on upon as an incarnation of the Goddess of Mercy. Cats such as the one in the story are told to bring great luck and success. That's my understanding of the story. The name literally means Beckoning Cat. But, I do not know the type of cat the one in the story was as well. ^^; Sorry.

I'm back! Making a splash!

2005-09-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted in such a long time. I was studying for an Floridian test ('cos I live in Florida, USA), and it was really big. I won't know if I passed or not until December.

A Series of Unfortunate Test Results

2005-09-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

I got some test results from the Silent Hill series. Here they are.

Which character from Silent Hill 2 are you? (Now finished with pictures!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Heather Morris! You're overly aggressive
and rude to any who pass you... perhaps this
should give us concern. But what can we expect
from a teenage girl who just wanted to have a
good time at the mall... and ended up being
thrown into a hell?

You're Demon Mary!

Which Silent Hill 2 Monster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Word Found Out!

2005-09-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

If you guys wanna find out what a 'hollaback girl' is, then go here. The definitions are confusing, so I suggest you add a "or" in between them. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hollaback+girl

Embarrasing Moments And Wierd Dreams

2005-09-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

I had the two wierdest dreams over the nights. In the first one, I dreamt that I was going to cosplay as Kite from the .//hack PS2 games. I was getting the wig, and someone kept throwing hamburgers at me. @_@! Then, when I went to the convention (of which I'm not sure), we got to play Red Rover. Remember that old game we used to play as kids? Yeah, well, I was next to a Hatake Kakashi cosplayer (from Naruto). Somehow, I did something wrong, and I was sentenced to be with the old women's choir. O_o Ain't that strange?
In the second dream, I dreamt I was Harry Potter. Instead of the old trunk that he carries around, I had a big, blue box. And as I went to Diagon Alley, I somehow found myself in a video store buying Full Metal Alchemist keychains and almost buying The Mask with Jim Carrey in it ('cos Jim Carrey is awesome! XD). However, I wasn't able to find my textbooks, so I went to Hogwarts without my textbooks. o_O Whoa. What a warp, eh?
Oh, and we got to talk about embarrasing moments that we've had in our lives. What was mine? Well, "if memory serves me correct", one day, as a child, I went outside to play. But I was thirsty as well. I lived in a house with the laundry room being in another house, but it was a walkable distance. It wasn't a laundry-o-mat. The door to the laundry room was open, and I saw a can. Now, this can was one of my favorite flavors of soda, pineapple orange. So, I went to it and took a sip. Now, I was surprised! I saw two eyes perk up from the can, and I poured the liquid out of the can. I found out that a big cockroach had spilled from the cylinder! What did I learn that day? Never drink open, unattended soda cans. XD I know, I was grossed out, too.

A New Surrounding??

2005-08-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

I might be moving in with my father and going to a new school. He said that it's going to the school I was originally, and that we're going to get a kitten! Oooh! *.* I love cats; big ones, small ones...as long as they're a cat, then they're adorable. XD It must be my Leo sign.

Drawings N' Whatnot

2005-08-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

Nanaki and his friends have so many cool emotion-thingies! ;_; I want some, too...but I dunno how to make it...I'll have to ask him. I want a water JunkBot, too! One with a fishy tail instead of two legs! ..........And, you know what? Nanaki still has yet to draw me. ^.^ So, Nanaki, when you get done with all yer stuffs, draw a picture of me, lest you feel my womanly/fishy wrath! I'll see what I can do for emotion-thingehs...x.x Not like it'll work, but here's swimming. Oh, Bri, Najee.... I lurb you both. :3 But there's one thing I wanna know....Nanaki, how do you make the pictures with the links and put them on one side of the blog? Pwease, can j00 and your 4W320M3 l33T blog skills help me? ;____________; I lurb you lots, too!!

Quiz Tests

2005-08-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

I "stole" the tests Bri-brother took. XD Ha, ha. Here are the results.

Your Heart is Red

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest:

You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future.

At Your Lowest:

You feel in a slump and lack creativity.

In Love:

You tend to be many people's ideal partner.

How You're Attractive:

You make people feel confident and accepted.

Your Eternal Question:

"What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

I was gone; did you notice?

2005-08-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

Where was I all this time? Well, I was mentally unstable at school for a couple of minutes, and a bit suicidal at the time, so they sent me to a crisis unit. It wasn't like I was Baker Act-ed; I went to go by myself. You know, upon my own will. I'm fine now. Whoever was concerned, thanks..Oh, and I got a new pet. This one is for Taylor. It's so good to be back home..... I'll try to be good and happy from now on.

Pets

2005-08-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

Here are some pets I adopted. Notice that they're the names of my friends.

adopt your own virtual pet!

grumble, grumble

2005-08-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

While I was listening to the radio, Gwen Steffani came on. -_- Her voice and the songs she writes are annoying! I just don't like her songs...like "If I Were A Rich Girl" and "Hollaback Girl".....do you know what a hollaback girl is? Well, according to what I heard, it's a girl that doesn't accept booty calls at 3 in the morning. What the hell does that mean? I dunno. Beats me, I just heard the definition on the radio, too.

Did any of you guys know that the dude who is in the Burger King suit in the Burger King commercials is Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish? That's what I heard, and it will stay that way until I hear something different.

I got a story on Fiction Press. If you want to read it, go here: http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1993477

Stress Thresh-hold Low

2005-08-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

I was just fine this morning, but as my Sociology started talking about middle school and elementary school years, I began crying. I was suicidal at the time. After much consolation from Jeanette and Jessica, I felt somewhat better. Then I had to go to the school psychologist who was only preceeded after the guidance councelor. Mr. Gilbert sent Deja to go with me, and I told her what had happened.....she said it hurts her heart to see people like me depressed, and that I was smart and beautiful.....which is odd, since the psychologist and the liason officer wanted to have me Baker Act-ed.....then me and my mother talked.....................and I made her cry again. I don't want to make her cry. She doesn't deserve that....she doesn't want to see me go to psychiatric ward, but will do anything she can to help. I don't see myself in the future being happy right now....I just....don't know anymore....Nanaki, please talk to me. My number, if you can get it is 813-684-2230. Call me if you can.

An Eventful Day

2005-08-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

Some guy that's in my homeroom wants me to go to the school football game. I dunno why. He says we talk everyday, yet I don't really recall speaking to him ever. I bet it's some kind of sick joke, but Courtney, my sister-mate, she says I should look on the bright side of things. Oh, and I found out what clan of vampires I belong it.

You scored as Malkavian. You belong to the Malkavian bloodline. The Malkavians are blessed with an "inner sight" which often gives them great perception and even clairvoyance. Many are sought for their counsel and insight. The drawback, however, is that they are all entirely insane. If a vampire is speaking in obscure riddles, it's a fair bet they are of Malkavian blood.

Malkavian

83%

Nosferatu

83%

Gangrel

79%

Ventrue

67%

Tremere

67%

Brujah

42%

Toreador

42%

What vampire clan do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

Malkavian-83%
Nosferatu-83%
Gangrel-79%
Ventrue-67%
Brujah-42%
Toreador-42%

I got this quiz from Nanak's blog. XD I steal stuff from him, but he knows it.....I think..Oh! And I also took the quiz of the video game characters, too!

Fresh Out The Water

2005-08-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, hi. This is Kasumi O. Himusuke, and somehow you've managed to stumble over here. What is a Nautilis, you ask? A Nautilis is an shapeshifting chimaera that's from the oceans. What am I outside of this? I'm a 16-year-old African-American girl that lives in Lithia, Florida. I'm not exactly social, but I have been known to be friendly. I got a boyfriend, which is Ryvaeus Nanaki. Maybe you've heard of him. Here's a picture of me. This is me in cosplay as a kitsune. The hair is a little messed up, yeah, and so are the ears, but it was the best that I could do with. Right now, I'm taking Geometry, Drawing/Painting, Health, and Sociology. I guess I really don't know how to blog...for the most part, I'm depressed...so excuse me and my bleak outlook on life.